"What would you write if you got to retire tomorrow?"
"Number one, there'd be a new version of my Cooking Crank with Uncle Fester video updated with what materials you can obtain on hardware store shelves now".
"Hmmm... What if this is the new version?...."
* IT'S A NICE DAY IN GREEN BAY AND WE'VE GOT SOME VETERANS COMING OFF THE BENCH FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL SEASON *
1) Fester begins his systhesis of nitroethane with the drying of ethanol from grain alcohol. A volumetric flask is charged with one liter of %95 ethanol insulated with aluminum foil and heated. Methyl Ethyl Ketone is added to entrained water in a positive azeotrope allowing it to be distilled from the ethanol.
* She's distilling! FIRST DOWN! *
2) %93 sulfuric acid is poured into a stoichiometric excess of dry ethanol and gently boiled. Sulfuric acid protonates ethanols oxygen forming an ethyloxonium ion that participates in an Sn2 reaction. The oxonium leases water and the sulfate detects a carbon producing ethyl sulfate but the rapid addition of sulfuric acid and high temperature allows subsequent Sn2 reactions that form diethyl ether which boils from the reaction mix and the probable human carcinogen, diethyl sulfate, a menacing side product recognizable by its wintergreen aroma.
3) Deep red crude ethyl sulfate is removed from the hot plate and poured over ice.
"Alright, now I can start adding my powdered limestone."
4) An unknown quantity of ethyl sulfate is treated with an unmeasured quantity of calcium carbonate, which deprotonates the sulfate group, forming a water soluable salt - calcium ethyl sulfate
5) The mixture is passed through a filter bag to remove excess calcium carbonate.
"I'm tempted to describe the smell as wintergreen."
6) The filtered aqueous calcium ethyl sulfate is treated with an aqueous solution of sodium carbonate forming sodium ethyl sulfate. The cat-ion exchange is visually monitored by the precipitation of insoluable calcium carbonate which settles to the bottom of the bucket.
7) 25 grams of potassium carbonate, an unknown quantity of aqueous sodium ethyl sulfate and 300 grams of sodium nitrate are added to a round bottom flask, followed by a dash of tropical coconut shampoo.
"Acetyl alcohol is the anti-foaming ingredient that I want. Alright, I'll just let that sit on the stove for the time being"
*GREAT PASS!*
8) The mixture is heated to 130c and beging to bubble. Lone pair electrons on sodium nitrites nitrogen attack the electrophilic carbon is an Sn2 reaction forming sodium sulfate and nitroethane, which boils from the reaction mixture.
* After the failure of Festers 'electrolytic oxidation' of toluene into benzaldehyde, Fester opts to distill benzaldehyde from an 'almond baking elulsion' [artificial almond extract].
9) The presumed benzaldehyde distillate is extracted with toluene in a sep funnel and transferred to a round bottom flask. To this is added 100ml of nitroethane and 50ml of ethylene diamine.
10) The flask is heated on the stove and the Henry reaction is left to run overnight.
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11) After sitting in the freezer overnight, a solid precipitate, which is presumed to be phenyl-2-nitro-propene (P2np) is observed at the bottom of the flask.
12) Fester stuffs the flask with steel wool to suspend iron ions, adds hydrochloric acid and heats the mixture in a water bath.
13) The reaction begins with an iron reduction of the alkene producing the nitro alkane, which then undergoes a "net"(?) reaction
14) The nitrate contour is protonated into a nitronic acid and the immediate carbon of the protein. Nitronic acid is subject to nucleophilic attack by water, forming an unstable intermediate that loses oxygen to form the 'nitro-so-phenyl-propanol' ? - Elimination of nitroxyl forms nitrous oxide and p2p, which after base neutralization, is distilled directly from the reaction mix.
* SCORE! *
15) A one liter volumetric flask is packed with aluminum foil using a - LIGNOCELLULOSE TAMPING APPARATUS !
- "Ram rod to jam it in!"
16) The aluminum is amalgamated with an unmeasured quantity of aqueous mercury nitrate.
"Nothing but a baby spoon will do."
17) Unmeasured volumes of isopropanol and nitromethane based fuel are added to the amalgam, the reduction begins immediately and the flask is transferred to a stove top.
18) A hose is used to direct the gaseous methylamine freebase into the flask containing p2p, forming an imine.
- "Methylamine is fun and easy to make. I recommend it as a play time activity for children everywhere."
* GREEN BAY IS NOT REDUCING THAT IMINE ANY TIME SOON.......... *
One imine reduction away from methamphetamine, Fester interrupts his synthesis out of a deeply held respect for federal law.
"If even you, Americas favorite clandestine chemist, defer to the Mexican product, what hope does anybody else have?"
This isn't a recipe or instructions. Don't try to do this. I don't know any portions or amounts for ingredients. However, I am interested in figuring this out for myself and understanding the steps and how this works and so I am presenting this for discussion. This is like a puzzle and we're trying to fit in the missing pieces so we can all go home and do it ourselves. Anybody with anything productive to share, please do.